OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
