im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
send nudes
from the living room?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
