My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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