connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
