my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
