Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
