So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
