if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
