My Higher Power is John Stamos
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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