you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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