she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i just made my gag reflex go away.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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