I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
