they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
