It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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