??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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