She's JV to your varsity
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
