i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
