I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize