I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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