After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
