Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
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