I can text with my tongue
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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