her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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