You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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