i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
