a search helicopter?!
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
