I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
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