and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
