Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Barsexuality is the new black.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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