drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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