I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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