How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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