I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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