Christians are straight up FREAKS
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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