His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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