Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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