Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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