i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
