Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
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