I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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