chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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