was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
