Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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