you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
