her vagina looked like bernie madoff
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I am one with the molecules
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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