apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
