We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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