Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
