can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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