Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
