did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
