I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
