I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
