The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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