It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
