My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
