he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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