dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
