Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
