You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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