Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
