They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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