i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
