She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
