Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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