Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
