it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
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